First of all, I'm seeking for advise in this post, not giving solutions.
So there was i, being kinda random at this moment... but since i have no place to share this, might as well put it in my blog and hopefully Jesus will read my post. Always being the tough ones, i, sometimes have to bow down and seek for answers... so The question is how do you know that She is into You?
So it was Saturday night, i called her to fix us a date... Or maybe not that straightforward. I told her she could call some friends if she want to. But in the end, it was just the 2 of us being present..
We had a splendid moment before that, or maybe its just me... Although its been the first time I've ever went out with that girl, solo before.. It is quite an awkward, but kinda romantic, humor and cute moment, at one point... We watched a movie at a shopping mall and i remember the movie was 12 midnight. We couldn't get the chance to watch some horror movie (u know what i mean, guys love to show their manly hood by proving that they have no fears and they could lend their shoulders to the girl to hide behind when the scary part comes in.) Anyway plan ruined.... all tickets were fully booked.. and i personally don't like horror stuffs, so i think i kinda suck at bringing girls for movie on a date.
It doesn't consider a date if you ask me... but it really seems like one.... Cuz we were alone at that moment... just the 2 of us. But we never really hold hands or hug... I don't think i have the guts to do so. Usually guys takes the initiative to take the first move. Guess i just need more time to sort out my feelings for her or from her... maybe its all just a misunderstanding and shes being nice...
So there were we, after the movie.. we went for supper.. Cuz i was told that she hadn't had dinner before she came.. Well, this is a good opportunity for me to actually get to spend more time with her than just fetching her back and say "bye". So yeah, i took her to a Mamak place and we had supper... Well, im the one having, she was never really hungry. Or maybe the Shisha is more interesting than foods to her.. So we went there and meet up with her friends, settle down and yeah.. chill out... ;)
Nothing special going on it seems, just few of us.. chilling out, till 3 in the morning and then its time for us to take a leave. Something funny happened back there when we were leaving... I mean us, not inclusive of her friends. Somehow deep down inside, i got have this feeling that, although I've never been with her or know her for long.. But its just that, i trust her... So... yeah something happened.... and it was damn hilarious. She was ok with it, just sucked a little at first.
Yeah, so it was bout 3 something when we reached her house...
Park outside of one of her neighbors' house.. and we dared each other to stay in the car and chit chat till morning. So we chat and chat, somehow i can sense that shes getting tired, and im getting tired, mentally.. Physically active and awake... I tried to tell her how i feel about her, but i don't think it works this way on her. Maybe I'm being too emotional as i seldom does in front of other girls. And so, constantly I've been trying to change the subject when time turns awkward for the both of us. She is actually quite dumb to fall for that. Or i must say I'm the smart one. ;)
Well, verbally, i failed. So at some point i wanna show my feelings through expressions and physical. But i think this is the dumbest thing i have ever done. So the whole time I've been trying and trying... maybe not all the time, we shared some stories too at that time. And all these happened in my car, can u imagine that? = =
I've never done that in my hole entire life b4.. I mean, yeah I've tried not sleeping, but right after what i was doing.. i literally fainted like a dead corps. But after going through the moment, i actually was not tired at all. And amazingly i felt great and energetic after that.
So in the end. But it haven't reach the Ends end yet.. There is still a turning point there, just that i haven't reach that point yet. Or maybe i had passed the point and is really heading for the End.... But deep down in my mind, i know i've tried my best. and now, I think I'm planning to give up on her.. its not worth putting efforts on when i think back all the words that she said. Maybe things are not what it seems. Maybe she hinted me on something, but I'm just not thinking hard enough.... Its just like a virtual battlefield. Pushing your mind powers to the edge of a cliff; im trying my best. but somehow it seems i sucked at being that Me that night. Trying to win this war is not easy, and backing down is one of my options.
Jesus, help me please?
