Life is meaningless

Wow, i guess now im in one of those Emo days where i feel sad, meaningless, bored, hate god for every thing it has done, finding excuses to avoid some stuffs, hating everyone around me,i feel dieing...
i really dont know the true meaning of life
Will god tell me what It's supposed to be?
ive heard many said, that life is to be lived to the max.
and i have another question for this... In a happy way? or a painful way??
why people are suffering to live life to the max?
and why is suffering a living life to the max??
And does living life to the max in your eyes similar to what is in others?
how can they tell that we are actually happy, and livng our lives to our max?
The fuck they know what are we doing? How can they stereotype us of how we be?
Or life suppose to be living alone where the word 'others' will never come to existance?
So we can achieve our own goals and not recieving comments from others.

Have u ever ask yourself what are u doing right now?
Well, obviously reading this blog =___=
I mean, why are u doing so much?
like fore example, struggeling to earn money for living, study hard fr exams, training hard to achieve healthy body, chasing over partners which obviously ar'nt feeling you... Its like chasing over dreams...
So what do u want to achieve?
and what if u achieved ur results?
will things turn out better than what u expected?
will u be satisfied??
1 desire leads to another...
and in the end?? return everything to where it suppose to be.
Sometimes, your success isnt success to others. So basicly u are just doing shit all the time.


These days i've been thinking. why doing so much, wasting all these hard work and no one could see/realize/know that u've done something. Even if they do, All they can do is to give a simple compliment... Do all my hardwork (as in each time i do something, i put my life and the whole entire world on the line type of hard work) and pain (compare to cutting myself and watch it bleed to death type) worth just a simple compliment??
They dont know how much we people had been through to get this. This, to others may be a little, to us its more than the world itself! No one understands the pain we've been through. Only ourselves, know what it feels like. And in the end, whats the use of it when no one knows what u are doing, and at the same time when you are putting so much effort to see the results that supposingly others should be realising?

It is all bullshit... in the end, only u yourself known of what u have achieved. And all the time you are lying to yourself that u do it for others, to let others know that you can do. Or to prove something to others. Others will just critique all the way, and expect for more. Something happened or was supposed to be during the past, will not change the future in others eyes. Because they only look at what they want to look at, and what they believe that it was suppose to be. If they dont believe that it exist, they dont realize that it is there, and what is there is what u've achieved going through a hell of a hard time.

Before this, i thought i could change the point of view of others. To make others see me as a someone, as a man! But till now, its been 3 years, and i kept getting back the same words that was said to me back 3 years then... So, was the 3 years of mine wasted??? No one understands how much sufers i've been through. Even tho i've obtained results, but still getting back the same old words?! does this sound fair?
im feeling like shit right now... y not just put all these junks aside and do what im supposed to. Im sick and tired of doing what is right, and what is good for others and obviously not benefiting me...

Now i no longer believe in goals and dreams. its just for self satisfaction. No one else will ever realize and will truely understand what u've gone through to obtain it. They are basiclly fuckers.


That is life...
Still say live it to the fullest?
please... Die faster is the best to live life to the max.
Meaning of life is to create a perfect lie for yourself






im so happy that i wrote this, i bet after few months looking back at this i will laugh at myself... basicly 90% of it is bullshit, 9% are whinnings and 1% are my England... XD
Peace out~! \m/